I sure remember how scary it was to put myself out there after my divorce! I was no longer the sweet young thing in my 20′s, my body didn’t look as good, I struggled with weight, I had two young children….ugh! What chance would I have to find a nice guy who’d woo me? And I hadn’t dated in 12 years…truth be told I had never really dated…just met someone and jumped in.
We women will lie/exaggerate most about our weight while men will lie/exaggerate about their height. What else do we lie about in our relationships? To what end? I mean, when people meet you they will see you…it’s not like they will believe what you wrote in your profile even though, there you are, standing before them….looking different….right? People know that and lie/exaggerate anyway. And how do we feel about ourselves and the new relationship when we know we’ve been dishonest and misrepresented ourselves? How do we feel about ourselves when we believe we have to misrepresent ourselves or fake being something we are not in order to have people like and love us?
Why is it that we think we have to be “perfect” in order for someone to love us? And if we need to be “perfect”, why is it that we’re willing to accept the other person’s imperfections and bad behaviors? Why shouldn’t we expect that they be accepting ours as well?
It struck me as I was in my Dating Mode as I saw all kinds of people; fat or thin, old and young, short and tall, being loved…paired up and happy…..that maybe it wasn’t about being perfect, looking perfect (whatever that is!), dressing perfectly….maybe it was more about finding someone who loves you just the way you are. I thought, “Wow! I guess there must be someone for everyone out there!” Maybe we don’t have to work so hard to “look” perfect. Maybe perfection really is about being the Best Person YOU Want To Be and holding out until someone really digs you.
So many of us hide our real selves, trying to look like someone or something else that those who might really like us for who we are could never recognize us! I always say that life is a bell curve. We are either one of the 80% or the 20%. So even if there are only 20% of the people like us, that’s still a heck of a lot of people to open our true self up to.
I guess what it boils down to is that we have to like ourselves before anyone else will. Or, at least, if we like ourselves enough to present ourselves, as we are, out and proud, we are more likely to find people who will be attracted to us as we are.
It wasn’t until I got to the point where I not only liked who I was but felt determined not to accept anyone who didn’t like me just the way I am, who wasn’t good to me even if it meant being alone the rest of my life that I was able to feel comfortable enough in my own skin to meet a man who really gets me and loves the real me.
When you aren’t feeling worth being loved, you give off an energy, an unspoken message, to others. The way you speak and act tells others whether or not you feel good about yourself. If you lie about yourself in an online profile or in person, what does that say to other people? It tells them you think you are “less than” and not worthy. This impacts how they feel about you too. Furthermore, it tells them you think it’s OK to be dishonest.
Moral of the story? Learn to love and value yourself with all of your imperfections so you can always be honest and aboveboard about who you are and you will give off an energy to others that will attract someone who loves you too. Stop hiding! Show up and stay present in yourself and in your relationships!
POST PUBLICATION COMMENT: I was reminded that there are some things that it is not good to share too quickly upon meeting new people. Putting yourself out there honestly does not mean sharing all of your most private information.