It’s so easy to believe we will never find anyone better than the person we are currently with. My IDateSmarter Program and principles and use of the Drake Equation will quickly dispel this myth.
People end up in pain in relationships and yet have such a hard time leaving them. What’s up with that?
We fall in love and so badly want this relationship to be The One, to make us feel safe and whole…to erase all the loss and pain of our lives.
So, when things start to go wrong we try to explain it in such a way as to make it “not that bad”. But when we are honest with ourselves, we know it is that bad and we are just hanging on out of fear of being alone. So I always ask people, when we get to this place, how many people are there in the world, or in our community? We talk about paring the number down using the things that they deem important to them: gender, age, interests, location, profession/educational level etc in an effort to point out that even in our geographical location, there are thousands of people who we can sort through to find someone who would be a good fit.
A few months ago, one of my clients, who is an engineer, developed a version of the Drake Equation for dating and found a fairly small number…but still more than one! He found this link last week and emailed it to me the other day…funny how great minds think alike….
I have been saying this for years yet it took some right brained engineers standing around a cooler to validate the “potential” of finding the right one in the vast dating universe and make it sound authentically scientific.
However, to really do the job well…to take that Drake Equation to another level, we have to be honest that the pool of potential partners for US is only one half of the equation. What about US? Have we thought about whether or not we would show up in someone else’s Drake Equation of Dating? How do we make ourselves stand apart from our nearest competitors. What do we have that’s special and would make us stand out and be counted in the Drake Equations being estimated around the globe, or in our own backyard? How do we get our strengths and assets highlighted so the laws of attraction work for us to help us find an ideal match or life partner in that wilderness? It is exactly these kinds of questions that I encourage people to explore in my IDateSmarter program. How do we become The Best Person We Want To Be and locate potential life partners who value who we are and who are also doing this same level of self exploration?
It isn’t scientifically sound, nor is it relationally wise to leave this all up to chance. Nor is it scientifically sound or is it relationally wise to stick in a relationship that is not working.
What do you think? What are YOU going to do about it?